[Round 3]: [Locked from Hostiles, directed to Watanuki but open]

[readyforwar]

[Morning after the nightmare post]

Uhm... Watanuki-sama? Is... there a doctor we can take Nadeko-chan to? She's got a fever...

[please don't ask how I figured this out right after waking up please please please]

Comments

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

... [that's all the answer he needs.]

You don't have to. I had a feeling she was leaving something out.

[speaking from experience - 'leaving something out' has been his M.O. for the past several months.

He opens and closes his comm again, quieter this time and eyes on the floor. He's basically finding a way to swallow his pride, which is not easy for him at all.]

I want to protect her. She's my friend. ... I'm sorry I made things difficult. I'm sorry for... a lot of things. I can't help how she acts, though.

[he finally looks up at Watanuki, and for once his eyes don't look harsh or angry. He actually looks vulnerable.]

I already lost some one important to me because I didn't do enough. I don't want it to happen again.

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

You can still lose someone, even if you try everything you can think of.

[Takes a deep breath.]

But...trying is better than giving up. So you get points for that...

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

The Jinnouchi clan is known for fighting losing battles... doesn't stop us from trying.

[sighs, looking up at Nadeko]

I just want her to be okay...

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

Yeah...so do I.

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

... I have a little sister.

[gasp. Kazuma's actually opening up about something!]

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

...okay?

[Is soooooo not connecting why that's important.]

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

[Have some damn patience, Wata. Its not like this is easy for him.]

She's only a couple of months old right now. Before she was born... our great grandmother passed away.

[his hand tightens around his comm, arm shaking a little]

It shouldn't have happened.

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

[Clears his throat a little awkwardly.]

Old people die, Ikezawa-kun. That's what happens...

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

No.

[he stops himself from saying more just yet, trying to figure out how to make Watanuki understand]

... you're right, but... she was fine. I had a chance to stop what happened and I failed.

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

But...she didn't just die because she was old?

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

Not... exactly...

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

Okay...

[He tilted his head slightly in confusion.]

What did she die of then?

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

It's complicated...

[Kazuma-speak for "I'm not really sure how to explain it."]

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

...okay. Sooooo...you're upset that your little sister will never meet your Great Grandma? There are lots of people that don't get to meet their older relatives.

[Rubs at his eyes a little.]

Its sad, but everyone has their time to go. Even if its not natural. You really can't do much about it sometimes...I couldn't save my parents when they died. I was guilty for a long time about it. But it gets better, and you realize that even if you had been able to do something, would it have been the right thing to do? Would your friends or family wanted you to get hurt? Or maybe if you saved them, would everything about your life now be different? And would that be a good thing?

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

[Kazuma fidgets where he's standing, biting his lower lip and still staring at the ground.]

I don't want to fail anyone again. I almost failed my mom and sister after that... the only reason I'm even standing here right now is because of Natsu-chan's stu--... Natsu-chan's boyfriend.

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

...its not the most horrible thing to have to have help from someone.

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

... I keep doubting myself. What if next time there is no one to help?

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

Um...?

[He didn't really have a good answer for that. And his only answer - 'You get the shit knocked out of you.' - didn't seem like a good thing to tell the 13 year old.]

Well...you just have to...regain your confidence then?

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

[He already did that one, Wata. He's just kind of... hiding under his sweatshirt hood now]

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

So...

[Sat looking at his hands for a while.]

Christmas is coming up soon...

[Bad attempt at small talk.]

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

[Eyup]

... I'll be fourteen.

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

On Christmas?

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

... Nineteenth.

[april1st-kanji.livejournal.com]

What kind of cake do you like?

[kazumaking.livejournal.com]

... what?

[was not expecting that, obviously]